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Friday, April 6, 2012

Sneakers, Heels, Stilettos, Stilts...The Sky's The Limit

I know a number of people who believe nothing they see on so-called nonfictional television, whether we're talking about the news, or shows featuring talk, variety, or reality. This fact, that various people in my circle believe everything on TV is staged or contrived, is irrelevant to me. What is relevant to me is that there's something I don't believe when I flip the TV channels: I don't believe what's going on with women's shoes.

For some time now, and I can't really say how long ago I noticed this trend, girls and women on all sorts of programs are teetering into view in shoes with 4-inch, 5-inch, even 6-inch heels. Somewhere along the way shoe designers decided to test the waters to see just how high they could go before celebrity women -- or celebrity wannabes -- would say okay, that's enough. We're not falling for this fashionista nonsense, these things hurt our feet and are downright dangerous, so stop with the sky-high heels already. Thus far that doesn't seem to have happened.

Forget for a minute the sheer peril of clomping around on stilettos as tall as a good sized pepper mill. This type of lofty footwear cancels out the point of wearing heels in the first place. Heels make a woman feel confident and sexy. While flats are sensible and easy on the arches, they don't do anything for the female figure. Heels, even modest ones of an inch or two, add a curve to the leg and a pop to the butt. The idea of the heel is to improve the looks, or so I always thought.

Like so many times when a good idea goes too far, pleasant-looking high heel shoes have jumped the shark into clown territory. Women wearing heels that high don't look better, they look ridiculous; yet for some reason, because a designer adds some rhinestones and a big price tag, the ladies atop twinkling daggers and shaky ankles think they look fabulous. On shows like American Idol innocent country girls now wobble onto the stage like toe-pointing ballerinas, and heaven forbid producers suggest they make their entrance down a flight of stairs. Instead of striding confidently into a performance, gentler sex singers clutch the railing with darting eyes, imagining that at any moment their most important appearance on live TV will be spent launching forward from pitchfork tines and catapulting face-first onto Randy Jackson's lap.

How high -- and half-baked -- will shoe heels go? That's up to our celebrity pals, I guess. Sooner or later after a Beverly Hills Housewife or the next American Idol topples over and shatters a leg, the trend will likely return to less fanciful footwear. Until then we can only hope the mother ship of this shoe invasion -- Lady Gaga -- will continue to use good sense by hiring a fellow to guide her see-sawing self along, highlighting the image of octogenarian on icy sidewalks. Her grand entrance may not be pretty, but by god, it's fashionable!


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About Me

Newspaper columnist; blogger; author of Delta Dead; author of 101 Tip$ From My Depression-Era Parents; author of Australian Fly; editor: ...And I Breathed (author, Jason Garner, former CEO of Global Music at Live Nation), "A History of the Lawrence S. Donaldson Residence"; "The Port Washington Yacht Club: A Centennial Perspective"; "The Northeastern Society of Periodontists: The First Fifty Years"; editor: NESP Bulletin; editor: PWYC Mainsail; past editorial director: The International Journal of Fertility & Women's Medicine; past editor of: Long Island Power & Sail, Respiratory Review; Medical Travelers' Advisory; School Nurse News; Clear Images; Periodontal Clinical Investigations; Community Nurse Forum