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Wednesday, July 3, 2013

You Know You're Getting Old And Crazy When...

...You save bread twist ties "just in case " (old)
...You try to brush the dog's teeth (crazy)
...You ponder cornering somebody at the cable company and, at knifepoint, asking them to explain why every six months or so they spin the wheel and change all the channels to different numbers (old and crazy)
...Even when the dog teeth brushing was a failure, you try it on the cats (really crazy)
...You glare at growing grass and wish your lawn was full of rocks instead (old)
...You break a worthless vase and glue it back together rather than throwing it out (old)
...You wonder where your glasses are and spend an hour looking and finally find them tucked into the front of your shirt (old, going crazy)
...You pull weeds for exactly eight minutes and then announce, "This just ain't worth it" (old)
...You toss out all the fancy coffee makers and go back to a stove-top percolator (old)
...You eat a pound of cherries, knowing you'll be sorry tomorrow (old and stupid)
...You kick the fully decorated artificial Christmas tree down the basement steps...in April (really old, really crazy, really stupid)
...You look in the mirror and say "Hey! I look pretty good for an old broad!" (certifiable)

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About Me

Newspaper columnist; blogger; author of Delta Dead; author of 101 Tip$ From My Depression-Era Parents; author of Australian Fly; editor: ...And I Breathed (author, Jason Garner, former CEO of Global Music at Live Nation), "A History of the Lawrence S. Donaldson Residence"; "The Port Washington Yacht Club: A Centennial Perspective"; "The Northeastern Society of Periodontists: The First Fifty Years"; editor: NESP Bulletin; editor: PWYC Mainsail; past editorial director: The International Journal of Fertility & Women's Medicine; past editor of: Long Island Power & Sail, Respiratory Review; Medical Travelers' Advisory; School Nurse News; Clear Images; Periodontal Clinical Investigations; Community Nurse Forum