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Friday, June 10, 2011

Maybe I Should Buy A Motorcycle

It hasn't been easy combining the contents of two houses. I moved upstate in November and faced the daunting task of merging belongings accumulated over 30 years into one final resting place. If I do say so myself, and as a self-proclaimed borderline hoarder, I've done pretty well. There are three spots, however, that remain problematic: the basement, the carriage house, and my car.

You might think the first location a person cleans out when they move would be the car. Not so. Today I took it on. Here's what I found still clattering around in the back seats and way back of my tortured Acura since last fall:

1 pair of black boots
1 pair of black shoes
1 pair of golf shoes
1 pair of flip-flops
golf socks
3 umbrellas
3 canvas bags
1 Christmas gift 
2 plastic water bottles, each half empty
a box of tissues
1 leather glove (mate MIA)
a bank statement from December
my father's cane (my father, who died in 1980)
dust jacket for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
table lamp with no shade
a gardening tool
camera bag with a wide angle lens and two flash units; camera location unknown
empty aluminum foil box
3 paper plates
dust jacket to Brunch: The Perfect Weekend Treat
golf cart cover bag
a red sweatshirt
a blue sweatshirt
a winter scarf
a blanket
a flashlight
a broken car vac
a box of dog bones
2 10-pound bags of mulch
3 snow brushes
a level
and a hammer

I've often joked that my car is like a big purse. I'm thinking now my car is more like a small house. I get the clothes and the golf stuff. Snow brushes are standard automobile items, as are the umbrellas, the flashlight, the blanket, the canvas shopping bags. The lamp and the cane were clearly items I moved from Long Island and never bothered to bring into the new house, as were (I'm guessing) the dust jackets and the gardening tool. The aluminum foil box and paper plates indicate I'm something of a slob. But why in the name of god would I have a level and a hammer in my vehicle? I sat on the front steps tonight staring at the giant box full of what I'd extricated from my car, pondering my behavior. Then I dragged the box inside and continued what seems to be an endless project of consolidating my belongings. I tossed the clothes and blanket into the washer and when it reached the spin cycle, the machine broke down. No amount of coaxing could get it moving again. I was met only with loud buzzing and no spinning. Admittedly not a new appliance, my Kenmore passed away this evening around 8 o'clock. A karma smack, I suppose, for the hoarding procrastinator.  

Tomorrow I'll head out to buy a new washer. But at least I'll be traveling in a nice clean car.

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About Me

Newspaper columnist; blogger; author of Delta Dead; author of 101 Tip$ From My Depression-Era Parents; author of Australian Fly; editor: ...And I Breathed (author, Jason Garner, former CEO of Global Music at Live Nation), "A History of the Lawrence S. Donaldson Residence"; "The Port Washington Yacht Club: A Centennial Perspective"; "The Northeastern Society of Periodontists: The First Fifty Years"; editor: NESP Bulletin; editor: PWYC Mainsail; past editorial director: The International Journal of Fertility & Women's Medicine; past editor of: Long Island Power & Sail, Respiratory Review; Medical Travelers' Advisory; School Nurse News; Clear Images; Periodontal Clinical Investigations; Community Nurse Forum